


a guide to love, loss, and desperation

by 5saucy



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: AU, F/M, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-10 23:57:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12310575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/5saucy/pseuds/5saucy
Summary: AUand what the hell were we?tell me we weren't just friendsthis doesn't make much sense, no--following (mostly richie) through friends, relationships, and maybe a little of both





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi everyone :) this is my first it fic and my first fic in a long long time, definitely the first fic i've ever posted on this site. it's a really slow burn but i hope you guys enjoy and let me know what you think, i hate revealing stuff in the tags (esp cos i haven't planned much) but i hope this story finds it's way and i really hope you like it!!

Too many broken hearts have fallen in the river  
too many lonely souls have drifted out to sea

**

0 Days Until Richie’s Wedding

3:00 p.m.

What’s the worst thing you could do to hurt someone?

It all depended on the person, really.

Murder would definitely be up there, top of the list. What about the pain they have to live with? Every day?

You could embarrass them in front of all their friends and family and change your mind, at the altar no less. Extremely dramatic.

Or you could stay silent about your change of heart, luring them into a false sense of security until they start doubting your love and someone either leaves or dies. Then they have to constantly answer the prying question of “What happened?” asked with a false sense of sympathy trying to cover up curiosity and inevitable secret feelings of superiority. “Thank god I’m not that her,” they’d say, “Turns out her husband didn’t care about the marriage, didn’t love her, the whole damn time, and just up and left one day. Guess he just couldn’t take it.”

Richie fidgeted uncomfortably, looking in the mirror and feeling out of place. His tie was uncomfortably tight. 

3:08

A knock came on the hotel door, 3 rapid knocks.

“Anyone but the bride!” Richie called, half-joking.

To his surprise, it was Stan. Stan, who always looked like he never wanted to see RIchie, whose brow was constantly creased from irritation, whom Richie could always tease. So for some reason, Stan being the one to come through the door made Richie freshly uneasy. 

There was a silence of them just looking at each other. The hard, critical look usually in Stan’s eye was gone, his expression unreadable. He had hardly opened his mouth before Richie interrupted him. Always had to be the first to talk, didn’t he. Always had to be one step ahead of the next person. But not this time. 

“Shelley’s gone, isn’t she?”

“Yeah.” was all Stan could say. They sat together on Richie’s bed. Richie took off his ugly maroon tie. For once, he was thankful for Stan’s quiet presence. 

3:15 p.m.

Richie couldn’t move off the bed, staring at his black shoes - they were way too shiny. His pale face had a distorted reflection. Did he want to? He’d have to deal with everyone. Tell them over and over, No, it’s over, she’s gone, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. 

Richie hated telling people he didn’t know things. He didn’t want to move.

Stan, however, did. 

“Ok, that’s about enough moping time. Get up.” Stan stood in front of Richie and extended his right hand. 

“It’s been fifteen minutes. My fiancee just left me.”

“Yeah, and I got a $250 fine for late registration last week. People die everyday. Shit happens. You gotta decide how it’s gonna affect you.”

Richie still didn’t move. Stan sat next to him again.

“Okay. I am officially sanctioning this day no longer to be ‘the day I was left by my ex-fiancee’. This is now, as christened by Stanley Uris, a 100% all-about Richie Day. We’re gonna rock our shit at this reception and get blasted.”

Richie half-smiled. “You’re kind of a dick sometimes.”

“Usually it’s you Richie. I’m just here to fill in.”

**

7th Grade in Derry, Maine  
[or, 4,235 Days until Richie’s Wedding]

Richie was 12 when he made a friend. A real one, anyway. Nobody was really interested in inviting a kid over if all he did was say “your mom” jokes and get fingerprints all over your comic books, or brag about how he beat you in a video game. It’s not his fault, really. Freckles splattered on his face like paint, glasses too big, his clothes hung off his body awkwardly, as if his parents had never looked at the kid they were buying clothes for. 

Bill Denbrough was probably one of the most normal, possibly one of the coolest of the lame kids at school. Like, if you were outcasted, that would be the kid to give you a really big warm smile and say “H-h-hey, wanna s-s-s-sit with us?” when he saw you standing alone with your tray. That’s kind of what happened to Stan and Ben, at least. Richie? Nothing normal happens to Richie, it seems.

Bill was washing his hands in the bathroom when Richie banged the door open, fingers pinching his nose in the air. He waved his free hand in front of him wildly, trying to find the paper towels. “Shit, where the hell is the-“ Bill pressed a paper towel in his hand and said “Hu-hu- Here, s-s-sorry about your nose.”  
Richie turned his head down to face Bill, showing cracks in his thick glasses. “Sorry? Totally worth it! Got some scars to show I ain’t afraid to tell an eighth grader to shut up.”

“Y-yeah, a-and he i-isn’t af-f-f-fraid to h-h-hit y-you.”  
Richie grinned, blood drying on his chin. “You know what kid? You’re alright!”

Just like that, they were best friends.

 

*  
“What’s up, nerds?” The smack of the lunch tray announced Richie’s arrival at the table. Stan turned to Bill with a pointed look. “I don’t like your new stray.”

“Come on! You’ve barely met me! If you knew me, you’d love me!”

“T-th-this is R-richie T-t-t-tozier guys. I met him on F-f-friday.”  
Mike and Ben greeted him warmly. 

“What happened to your glasses?” Ben asked. He was new at the beginning of the year, but Bill took him under his wing. Once Richie called him a nerd for being in the maths class above them, but felt awkward after Ben had only shrugged and looked away. 

“I got in a fight. You should see the other guy.” Richie said, spitting out half his ham sandwich in the process. 

“Hey, maybe trying swallowing and then speaking.” Mike said, raising his eyebrows at the flecks of wet bread on the table.

“Huh, funny, that’s what I said to your mother last night.”


	2. (how can i help it if) i think you’re funny when you’re mad

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi all!! If you’re continuing from last time or for the first time thank u for reading!! I am uploadig from mobile so i’m sorry if there’s editing or spacing mistakes. there’s so so much i want to put in but i gotta cut the cord at some point!! Please let me know what you think!! 
> 
> Also, Eddie wasn’t featured in thelast chapter. So if you missed him, you’ll get plenty in this one!!

Freshman Move-In Day

September

[or, 2,003 days until Richie’s Wedding]

Eddie had been in the dorm bathroom for hardly a minute, a minute, (ok maybe 15, sanitizing was a process slowed by the public) when he came back to his (new!) dorm room and saw the door was ajar. His roommate arrived!

He took a deep breath from behind the door, wiping his sweaty hands on his shorts a few times. This was a fresh start. Hopefully his best friend.

Hopefully a real friend.

He put on his friendliest smile and opened the door even wider, a smile comically frozen on his face after he saw his new roommate.

“Oh hey. I’m Richie. You must be Speechless. I know, many often are in awe after being in my presence for the first time. You’ll get used to it.”

Richie, a taller and gangly boy, was laid out on the mattress. He was freckly and had a shock of black hair, and his smile was almost cute. However, Eddie couldn’t get over the smell of BO and obvious disdain for any personal hygiene or self care. He had 3 bags total and the only thing he had unpacked was a stereo and a half eaten hamburger on the desk. 

Eddie sputtered for about a minute trying to make any sense of this. Can’t he just have something, anything, normal?

“Earth to shortstack? Come in shortstack?”

“I’m five foot 6, thank you very much. And my name is Eddie and I’d rather you not call me shortstack.”

Richie stood and shook his hand so vigorously Eddie’s whole arm shook. Eddie’s blue eyes got even wider at the audacity of this - this - 

“Glad to meet you, Eds! I’m sure we’ll be the best of friends!

Eddie knew for sure this would never, ever, happen, not in a million years. He looked down at his hands where there was now a mysterious orange smear on his left palm. Richie flopped back down on his bed without touching any of his bags, and Eddie gagged with disgust at the fly, the actual fruit fly buzzing around the sandwich. 

\--

3 quick knocks at the door didn’t rouse Richie. Neither did the 10 successive knocks, increasingly louder, or a whining voice “Richie, come on. Let’s goooo.”

But they sure did wake Eddie.

This was the 3rd day in a row that Richie had a personal wake up call from any one of his dozens of friends, a constant stream of people in and out of him (and Eddie’s!) door. This used to annoy Eddie, to the point for storming away, muttering about privacy and time to the self, especially about being clean. 

Now? Eddie just wanted company. If Richie wanted to invite the whole farm into their tiny dorm room, sparsely decorated with 2 posters (Ghostbusters and Cindy Crawford), and an overwhelming smell of artificial cheese that hits you when you enter. Richie had gone a bit crazy with the E-Z cheese spray on various food items within the first week, and now the smell was permanent. 

“Cheer up Eds! Could be worse -- your mum’s breath didn’t smell any better from the last time she kissed me.” Eddie did hit him for that one.

The truth? Eddie wasn’t making friends. He smiled at people in his classes, he said hi in the halls, but they just were not interested in him. He didn’t have that mysterious magnetic quality Richie had, who would tell people he’d fucked their mother and they’d say “Oh Richie, you’re so funny, so cute, hahaha.”

Maybe it was because Eddie had aggressively sanitized his hands after every handshake the first two days. People didn’t really introduce themselves after that. Eddie ended up decreasing his daily use. 

Despite his loneliness, Eddie did care when these visitors disrupted his precious sleep. He rolled out of bed and stomped over to Richie’s sleeping form under a plaid blanket. 

“Wake up, you dick. You have class.” Eddie hissed and shook Richie, then turned heel and climbed back into his own warm navy covers.

“Mm. I don’t think so….. thanks for the new nickname, Ed.” Richie mumbled and turned over. 

Despite his annoyance, despite every tiny aggravation Richie does without a thought (crumbs everywhere, constant swearing, sleeping all day and being up ridiculous hours, not to mention those stupid voices he does) Eddie smiled at the ceiling. 

 

**  
Freshman Year

Mid October

Richie slept. A lot. The boy would come home from class and immediately conk on the bed, he’d sleep in until roughly 5 minutes before his first class started, nothing he loved more than eating in bed so he could fall asleep right away.

But he hadn’t gotten up in roughly 3 days. Eddie had classes all day, so he couldn’t really confirm if Richie had even taken a leak. But looking at him, simply staring at the ceiling, it didn’t seem normal.

Eddie and Richie had become better acquainted in the past month. They’d even had dinner in the dining hall together like, three times. For all his vulgarity, Richie could make Eddie laugh until milk came out of his nose.

“... and so this dog’s still latched into my foot, I’m waggin the thing up and down and every fuckin’ direction, when- I shit you not- the lady comes out of the store and says “Hey! Get the fuck off my dog!” and I’m like “Hey! Are you fuckin blind! Tell your fuckin dog to get the fuck off of me!” and of course this is the exact moment in which my ice cream slides right off the cone and on the dog’s head.”

“No fuckin’ way that happened, you’re such a liar!” Eddie gasped out between laughs. Eddie’s grilled chicken and rice lay forgotten, and Richie was gesturing wildly with his soup spoon. 

“I could never tell a lie” Richie said, smirking. 

This was not the same Richie from dinner, however. Eddie was debating on saying something after he finished his math homework, but a knock came at the door.

Eddie walked over and looked through the peephole. There was a guy he’d never seen before, a plain looking guy with a white t shirt and jeans. He opened the door. 

“Hi, uh, does Richie live here?” The guy shoved his hands deep in his pockets and smiled. Eddie nodded. “Yeah he’s right here,” he said, half turning his body to let him through. 

“I’m Bill by the way.”  
“Eddie.”

They shook hands, and Bill almost pushed past him, looking for Richie in their small room. 

“Oh, Richie.” Oddly, Bill just got up in the bed and laid down next to Richie, who even moved over to make room. Bill started to whisper, and Eddie felt awkward and intrusive just standing in the middle of the room and watching. He sat back down at the desk, put his earphones in, but didn’t play anything.

“...I know Rich… I don’t want you to get… There are so many good.. Friends… Stan… even Mike said… I believe in..” Eddie could only catch glimpses of the conversation. The room fell silent, and Eddie put his earphones back in.

*  
After a long time, Eddie heard the door slam shut and someone’s hand on his shoulder.  
“Ah! Oh, hi.”

“Sorry to scare you. I’m Bill.”

“You said that already.” Eddie didn’t mean to be rude, but the words just poured out of his mouth. Bill didn’t even seem to notice.

“Richie will be fine. He just gets… moody sometimes. He usually calls every day. I biked forty minutes to check on him.”

“You’re a really good friend.” Bill smiled, truly this time. 

“We go back a long way. I hope we can all be friends. Our friend Stan goes to this school too.”

Bill pulled Richie’s desk chair to face Eddie, who put his pencil down. “Richie never mentioned a Stan.” 

“They had a falling-out. Richie can be hard to be friends with sometimes.” Eddie raised his brow at Bill’s forwardness. “Doesn’t seem that way, haha,” he said “Richie’s got a line of people out the door most days and nights.” 

Bill shrugged. “Things happen.”

**  
November 1st

Richie had fallen out of bed sometime in the night. Had to be sometime after he came home. Eddie could not account for either of these times. 

Eddie was giddy. Sparkling with happiness. He met someone.

Well, he met this “someone” on the first day of school, but they were just anyone until last week, when Brian invited him to a Halloween Party. The RA from the floor below, who he’d always seen when leaving the dorm. Who always smiled so warmly, always said a cheery “Hello there!”  
Brian Toule. Brian Toule. Brian Toule. 

Eddie’s brain felt like a tape stuck on repeat, but the sound was so delicious he couldn’t think of anything else. 

He was so sweet and friendly, he introduced Eddie to everyone, his towering form felt protective to Eddie when Brian’s hand guided the small of his back. 

Brian, Brian, Brian.

He yanked the blinds open, revealing a dark and rainy morning, the total opposite of Eddie’s mood. Richie groaned from the floor.

Brian’s blonde hair. Brian’s natural, cheery smile. Brian’s shiny blue eyes.

“Some people enjoy physical rest, you know.”

“It’s 11 a.m., you lazy ass.”

Brian, Brian, Brian. Eddie couldn’t stop smiling. 

Richie got up, only to flop facedown in bed. He was still wearing his costume from the night before, Catwoman. 

Brian, Brian, Brian. If not a boyfriend, then a friend - that’s not Richie. Or Bill. He didn’t need the crutch of the roommate anymore. He was Eddie Kaspbrak, he could do this.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!!


End file.
